Scott, Stuart. The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective

Scott, Stuart. The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective. Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2002. 372pp. $13.95.

The Exemplary Husband is a book written from the heart of a pastor. Its aim is to teach men the foundations of biblical Christianity and manhood, and then in light of them show how a man is supposed to be an exemplary husband. The books author, Stuart Scott, is currently an Associate Professor of Biblical Counseling at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky. However, Scott’s experience in biblical counseling has not come from the academic side only, as he was formally an Associate Pastor at Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, CA. With all of these credentials, maybe none is more impressive than Scott’s thirty plus year marriage to his wife Zondra, which demonstrates that what he teaches he also practices.

Summary

The Exemplary Husband is broken down into four main parts. The first section is entitled “A Husband’s Recognitions” and is basically Scott’s setting the stage by laying a rock solid foundation on the Word of God. In chapter one he shows what man is in his own mind and how very often, when man thinks he is doing well, he is actually not and is therefore in need of the example of Christ in order to be all that he is suppose to be as husband. In chapters two Scott gives us a proper understanding of who God actually is and out of that comes chapter three where we see the sorry state of man apart from Christ. Because of the entrance of sin into the world, Scott shows how man’s many relationships have been corrupted in chapter four and in chapter five focuses in on the relationship of marriage. Lastly, in the first section, Scott defines the role of a husband is the union of marriage.

After establishing a firm foundation on the biblical and theological truths of God, man’s state and the consequence of sin, Scott moves into the second section “A Husband’s Responsibilities”. In this section he deals with what he considers to be “faithful” commitments. These commitments are commitments a husband must make to his wife, but they are done under the husband’s submission to God. They involve worshiping Christ alone, love, being a leader, physical intimacy, and proper stewardship. It is difficult to see without reading the book through the chapters, but Scott’s aim is to build one chapter on top of another, constantly laying layer upon layer, remaining firmly grounded on the biblical foundation of the first section. Moving into the third section, he reaches the most practical contributions.

The third section is entitled, “A Husband’s Resolve”. Here Scott demonstrates the sort of tangible characteristics a husband must “resolve” to have in order to be the exemplary husband, a husband who is in the likeness of Christ. For those who have read much on the issues of theology and/or biblical manhood, the earlier chapters, through strong and necessary in their function, are much of what has already been stated by many other authors. However, section three moves beyond the abstract into the much more day to day livelihood of husbands and secures for this book a rightful place on the book shelf of any Christian husband who desires to better serve his wife in Christ-like love.

The final section, through strong, necessary, and beneficial, seems like an odd way of ending such an excellent work. Through it finds itself in the right place in the building system Scott started out from the beginning; it is kind of a downer way to end the book after such a climatic third section. The forth and final section is “A Husband’s Regret”. In this chapter, Scott deals with a few of the main regrets that a husband might have, and most likely will have, from some points in his marriage: anger, anxiety and fear, and lust. Thankful, he does not just leave us to morn over our own failures, past, present, and future, but encourages us by the grace of God in Christ that we can endure and change for the better (303-4).

Critical Evaluation

Now that a basic synopsis has been given we can deal with the critical evaluation, however, the danger would be to think that the word critical inherently means negative. In order to remain balanced, two topics will be discussed with the first being negative and the second positive. The negative aspect of this book is that even though it is extremely biblical, it fails to be expositional in its dealing with the Scripture. The positive, which is left for last because the book is over all positive, deals with how the husband should deal with the wife’s sin as a leader. This section of the books is worth the price of the whole book for the man who struggles in how to love his wife as one who wishes to correct her and help her become more Christ-like.

The Lack of Expositional

Analysis of Scripture

Before this discussion is started, it is necessary that some time be taken to look at what is not being stated here. In no way does Scott deal falsely with his quoted Scripture. It is obvious that Scott is a man of the Book and desires to show that it is the final authority of men who desire to be Christ-like husbands. It would be very sad is someone read this review and came out thinking that Scott dealt with the quoted Scripture poorly. Rather, Scott deals with the Scripture very well and such a lifestyle of biblical framework should be the desire for every Christian husband.

Now that the negative criticism is prefaced, the failure, through small, of this book is that Scott fails to exposit the biblical passages that he mentions. What Scott does is comparable to most evangelical preaching in that he comes up with a through, however true it may be, and then as he moves through his thought inserts Scripture into places to support his argument. The benefit of this is that it makes for a good reference edition for those who might wish to memorize certain passages that help in a certain area of weakness. However, there is a negative result.

What we are left with seems to be Scott’s idea of an exemplary husband instead of what the Bible thinks. Though Scott’s method is not completely invaluable, at times it would have been better to spend a lengthy time dealing with one passage of Scripture, dealing with that passage in its historical context, and then fleshing out how that applies to being a biblical and Christ-like husband. John Piper, author of This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence, does this and does a better job of showing what the biblical authors meant about marriage and being a godly husband.

In Piper’s approach, what is called the expository method, the modern author deals with a passage that is large enough to carry its context and then pushes the reader to submit to the overwhelming clarity that Scripture has spoken on the subject and must be obeyed. Scott’s method, typically known as the topical method, assumes that the reader will agree with what is said and if not assumes that the reader will be overwhelmed by the substantial amount of text quoted. However, this effect may not occur, as is true of the expository method, because the reader may question the author’s use of such quotes.

Thus, Scott’s book would have been better if he had dealt more carefully with certian biblical passages and let his thoughts flow from them as he walks through it instead of having his thoughts all lined up and then finding Scripture to support. Thankfully, Scott proves to be a man who is faithful to the Scripture and does deal rightly with the Word of God, even if he doesn’t prove it in his writing. Therefore, it should be respected as a fine work and enjoyed as sound and wise teaching, especially in the area correcting a wife’s sin.

Helping a Wife Deal With Sin

Without Being a Nagger or a Jerk

Scott has a strong desire to see men of God become husbands who are Christ-like and God glorifying. That is clear from the beginning all the way through the book. What else is clear is that he understands the weaknesses of men and the difficulty of becoming what is desired. Few areas can be more challenging to a husband who desires to be like Christ than the area of helping a wife deal with sin. Many struggles arise with this important task of the godly husband, with the most difficult being that men themselves are sinners (206-7).

However, even with this difficulty, it is absolutely necessary for the husband to deal with his wife’s sin in love (205). And Scott demonstrates that for us to act as we should as husbands we must be ready at all times to confront our wife’s sin. One of the ways he says to accomplish this is to be sure to know if there is “any glaring sin in my own life that my wife may see or have against me (Matthew 7:1-5)” (208).

In Matthew 7:1-5, Jesus is teaching during the famous Sermon on the Mount and says,

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Something Scott demonstrates here is that a man should be careful to watch over his own sin for the sake of his wife. Often times, we are challenged to think that our sin is our sin and the only one it effects is us. As some would say, “It is between God and me!” However, Scott shows that our sin is not something that we alone have to deal with, but it effects how well we serve as husbands to our wives.

Why is this so important? Because we as followers of Christ Jesus should desire to see all things accomplished for His glory because, “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him” (Colossians 1:16). There is nothing that has not been created for His glory. Everything is for His glory. Part of that creation is the institution of marriage and therefore we as His disciples should aim to see Him magnified in all things. We should have the same desire and hope that Paul had when he penned, “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me” (1:28-29). This is the apostolic hope and should be our hope as well.

Therefore, correcting our sin first and then preparing to correct out wife’s sin has implications that go beyond just our marriage; fighting sin and helping a spouse in sin has gospel implications. The way we love our wife in this area may be more significant than any other area because our desire is not just to have a good marriage, but to see God glorified and Christ exulted in the way we as a one-flesh union act.

Since it is now evident that sin is far reaching and more important that just something between two people, it is clear why the husband should take sin seriously. This sin that he must take seriously is not just major sins such as adultery, drunkenness, or apostasy, but all sin. At this time it is appropriate to quote Scott at length because of his wise counsel on this.

I also used to teach that unless someone sins a “big” sin, or unless a sin becomes a regular pattern, we should not address it. The idea was to wait until a person has formed a habit of sin before doing something about it. Otherwise, we are being to picky, judgmental, or playing the role of the Holy Spirit. In addition to finding no Scripture for this view, I also came to realize that this perspective seems to be very unloving and detrimental to others. I say this because it is actually far easier for a person to deal with and avoid sin before it becomes a habit. We should not sit around and watch our wives become entangled in sin before we attempt to help them. (211)

Scott’s insight into this issue is full of wisdom and truth. There is no doubt that many, if not most, people assume that the way to deal with sin is just over look it. Scott calls this the “cover” method (211). To deal with sin in this way is not only the passive method, which does not correspond with being a biblical husband, but it is the selfish and lazy way. What one is doing here, whether they realize it or not, is not taking on the rightful duties of being a husband. He is not practicing male headship over the wife and is not acting as a good steward of the gift that God has given to him for a time. He is being lazy in not doing what is demanded of him and is being selfish because he does not want to deal with the possible conflict that might arise. Such a husband is failing in his most important calling.

Conclusion

There is much more that could be drawn from Scott’s excellent work on the subject of dealing with a wife’s sin, and any husband who senses a struggle in how to do this well should pick up The Exemplary Husband. This book has proven to be a deep well of wisdom and insight and would be a helpful read for Christian husbands and pastors who counsel both married and soon to be married men. The Christian community that sees the biblical demand on men to be the heads of their homes are greatly indebted to Scott for this work. May Christ who created the institution of marriage for His glory be magnified by the men who read and glean from this book.